Wednesday, January 20, 2016
PLUS SIZE DESIGNER: I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT --- CAN YOU? | PART I
HI. I am Aries and I am a workaholic. *People in unison* Hi, Aries.
I work a lot. There. I said it. People think that I am just a hard worker but the truth is, I am afraid of my bed. I am afraid of that moment where you are about to go to sleep and your brain just starts telling you how much you suck and the other things that you will be doing tomorrow.
I start sleeping by 7pm only to find that by 10pm my eyes are still wide open and I somehow managed to imagine a dark future that will never happen.
So, what do I do? I work. I get up and start working on things that should be done tomorrow and even though my body is telling me to stop already, I don’t. I work until I am so tired that I sleep on where I was working.
I still hate my bed.
But there was that one night where I was crying because of a dark future (again) that I know will never happen. And I have realized that the reason I am like this is because I don’t know how to be HAPPY being alone.
Just to clarify, I’m not lonely. I actually have pretty amazing and healthy relationships in my life, and when they are not available, I work because I love it. I get to design, take photos, sell and write about fierce plus size fashion. But that’s the point --- I rely on them too much for my own happiness to the point that I am terrified without it.
I have realized that my mind is terrified with the fact that I actually need to always have somebody or something with me in order to be happy.
So the moment that relationship/work finally ends, I am left with myself and I don’t know why but I am terrified on looking at it. Why such the horror? Don’t I like myself?
(PART II NEXT WEEK)
Erzullie is a fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Shop online: www.erzullie.com