What Aries? That’s confusing!
I know. Let me clear that up for you.
When you are in a relationship, specifically if it has been more than half a decade, you may find yourself stuck or molded in a way that has become so strange to you. If you’re like me (and hopefully, there are other women who are like me), you are the type of woman that provides so much for your partner that you adapt yourself to his/her needs.
I am like that. I like to provide money, time, effort, love, support etc. Anything (well almost) that my partner or anyone that I love needs or even want.
But that’s wrong. I will tell you right now.
You see my previously debunked philosophy is like this: if I provide people for what they love and need, then they will give me the love, effort and commitment that is equal to or even greater than what I have given or expected.
That’s the most selfish and untruthful logic I have ever created in my whole life. Not only was it subtle emotional blackmail, but I was setting myself up to heartaches way before the relationship has started.
So, back to my partner. I met my current love. Lo and behold, he is a better provider than me. He earns more money, gives more patience, has the most sincere and pure intentions. He is so much better of a provider than me, he already bought it, sent it and gave it --- EVEN BEFORE I even knew that I wanted it.
It took time before I got used to it. I mean, I’m a provider. I am the one who provides. I don’t take. I give. But with the kindness and patience of my partner, my stance softened. Until I have allowed my partner to provide for me so much, I have lost my identity when he cannot provide anymore. Not that he can’t, he could --- it’s just that I don’t know what was missing. And if I can’t tell him what was missing --- how can he provide it for me?
Needless to say, I became really unhappy about myself. It came to a point that I am so dependent on my partner that when he is gone, I don’t know what to do with myself.
I become restless. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do. I get depressed and frustrated. What was going on with me? I don’t understand. I became --- needy.
And to satisfy my needy side, what did I do? I turned to self-help books and became a self-help junkie for a while. I have read so many books and inspirations that I was going to explode, if I read and absorb one more. But what’s worse is that, the more I read, the more I got confused. The more I got confused, the more I got angry. For short, it got me nowhere.
Then came that faithful day.
(TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK...)
Erzullie is a fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Shop online: www.erzullie.com