I’m talking about that love that you give, give and give and yet never get back. We get this in varying forms --- lovers, friends, family (hell! Even the self!). It hurts like hell and honestly, almost nothing ever comes to it. So this got me thinking --- why do we keep on doing it anyway?
You’re in love with the person in your head, not the one before you.
Sure. He used to open doors for you. Sure. He used to say I love you every time he could. Sure. He used to start and end his day with you.
The key word there is “he used to”. Therefore you are focused on the man that “used to” open doors, say I love you every time he could and start and end his day with you. If he became a “used to” then he is definitely not “what is” in front of you now.
Now the question is --- are you down for that? Are you down for a guy who no longer makes you feel like you guys are in an actual relationship? If not, then face the ugly truth and set yourself free for the guy “who will always”.
“But, he loved me before, maybe if I stick around, he will love me again” your inner hopeful would say.
The keyword there is “maybe”. But you know that you’re worth more than a “maybe”. In fact, a woman like you? A woman who is brave enough to have standards and requirements for love in a world that keeps on yelling “tone it down”, “hook up” and “keeping it light” --- you deserve a full blown, “yes”.
You know why? Because you are ready for a “yes”. Because you are a “yes”. When you went out there to find your partner you were already saying “yes” to love. So naturally, you also deserve someone who is looking for the same thing.
I tell you now, a “yes” and a “maybe” in a relationship is never a great idea. If you don’t believe me, think about this. Ask your girls out for an out of town trip and you get various answers of “yes and maybe”.
Frustrating isn’t it? Now you are stuck in a go and stop sign on your plans. You don’t know how to move. Do I include this girl in the headcount or not? Do I book the hotel now or not? Is this still happening? How big of a van do I have to rent in this case because we are not sure about the other girls who are coming?
It’s damn complicated. And you know what? If you don’t make hard decisions (cutting out the maybe girls and only counting the yes ones), then you know that this plan is cooked. It will never happen. Dunzo.
So get this in your head right now, “maybe” should never happen because you deserve more than a “maybe” --- you deserve a “yes”. Because a “yes” will push you and your partner forward to that fabulous destination that the two of you wanted.
And so, I end with this. My note on unrequited love. Unrequited love is a product of an illusion that our mind has played on us because we have become tired and scarred in trying to search for the love that we actually deserve. We are so tired so we make it up in our heads and fall in love with it.
But your love is not a fantasy. Your love is real. It’s strong and it’s about to change someone’s life for the better. Because trust me. The love that you offer? The one who really wants it? #HELOVESIT.