Wednesday, November 9, 2016
“I am almost 30. I wrote down the things that I want to do before I get to that age and all that I saw was travel, more savings, career and shopping.” This is what my friend kind of said in a group conversation. Then she asked the question that all 30-something single ladies have asked since time started --- is there something wrong with me?
Of course, me and my women rushed in to put her perspective in place. We all told her that it’s normal. In fact, even the ones who were taken, chimed in on how they would view their “single” life, if ever.
One of my girls said she would travel around the world, go through expensive hotels “until where her money would take her”. We are talking about highly independent women in this group, so I can actually see it happening.
Then it just occurred to me. All of us in the group has a clear picture of what we would look like single. And it’s not a sad “huhu I am forever alone” kind of set-up. It was full of friends, fashion, destinations, adventures and misadventures.
After the long talk and exchange of views, my friend felt better on her decision to be a fun, career-filled, travelling, 30-something single.
Then this question popped up --- Is there a rise of the new 30-something single ladies that is actually fun and NOT scary? And better question --- since when was it considered bad to be one anyway?
I will always remember that time when I saw an old classmate of mine. She was carrying her kids with her and she saw me. I tried to avoid her, given that we never really had the best time together in school, but she waved and said her “pleasantries”. I smiled and respectfully acknowledged her.
Then, quick as a lightning, she asked me why am I fat and why am I NOT MARRIED.
Seems like old habits of passive aggressive bullying do not die easily on this one. But before I brought my sass out, I saw her as a whole.
While she was asking me this question, she was pushing a baby carriage with a baby in it, while carrying a toddler, the oldest was just walking but stuck on his phone, while the other one was another toddler who was pulling on her top to be picked up. Aside from that, she had 2 baby bags to manage.
She looked like she lacked sleep. Stress was written all over her eyes and if those dark circles can go any deeper, it would go through the back of her skull.
I actually felt sorry for her.
I offered my help to pick one of the toddlers up and I started helping her take care of the kids while she waits for her… well whatever appointment she had with that day.
This is where all of the 30-something single ladies feel bad about. It is not seeing women their age having babies, it’s the 30-something women of their age, shaming the single ones for “being single and actually loving it”.
We all hear it almost everywhere. When you say you have hit the big 3-0, people are asking, “why are you not married yet?”, “do you have a boyfriend?”, “shouldn’t you be settling down?” --- like you haven’t grown up, if you have not successfully bagged a relationship.
But you know what’s the secret, ladies?
Putting that toddler down and knowing that you have a great afternoon of non-married bliss ahead of you. You may not be married right now, but you got amazing set of friends who will enjoy the ride of being a powerful, non-married female with you. You may not have a boyfriend right now, but you got the whole city to date and explore. Your social list is so open that you are about to meet a lot of great people and effortlessly, without even expecting it --- one day --- your lover is just there.
So enjoy the rise of the new 30-something single ladies! Don’t be ashamed to live your life the way you see it fit. Kids or no kids. Married or not married. The point is, you will go to bed knowing that you HAVE LIVED YOUR LIFE and not what people expect you to be. There is nothing wrong with being 30 and single, as much as being married before or after that fact.
Living your life is an equal game for all ages. So go on, have fun and play! And make sure that the rise of the fun 30-something single ladies is not a trend but here to stay!
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