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Saturday, March 24, 2018


We're Erzulliestas. We love hard as much as we work. And at times, unfortunately, there are some people who may end up hurting us --- intentionally or not. And I know some Erzulliestas can handle this very well, while others need a time to retreat.

I am more of a retreating kind. If someone hurts me deeply, I take myself and run away as far as possible. I prioritize my emotions and well-being and I just become fabulous elsewhere. This is the way I heal.

However, there are times that fate loves to put a little twist in our lives. At times we accidentally meet them, which brings me to this question --- what should one do when they see the person that has hurt them deeply?

#1 Accept your first reaction.

Whatever it is, fight or flee. Just accept the first reaction you got and then let it go. Never judge yourself if it was a "weak move" or "wrong move". This is your survivalist instinct. It's like when you get hit on the knee and your knee jerks.

So relax and just accept it. You don't have to necessarily "act" on it, but just take it as it is.

Truth of the matter is, we have strong survival and protective instincts. Most probably the reason you would react that way is because you see this action as a way to protect yourself.

In my last case, I saw the person and I ran away immediately, which surprised me because I never run away. I have judged myself harshly because of it for some time. I thought it was a "weak" move.

But then I have realized in the end that it was me protecting me. If I have stayed and confronted the person these two things will happen:

A) I will make everyone uncomfortable.

B) I will talk to the person, forgive that person and then we will enter that hurtful cycle all over again.


#2 Know that at this point, it is all in the mind.

I know. What that person did was horrible beyond words. But truth of the matter is, you only felt that when you saw this person.

Good news is that this person did not rule your world before and definitely after that moment.

So know that the reactions, feelings (anxiety and anger) are all in the mind. This person cannot hurt you anymore than they did yesterday.

Why? You will never let them. You are strong that way.

#3 This too shall pass.

After meeting the person, you may feel insecure. If you have to talk about it, scream it, punch it --- whatever it takes to get it out of your system. Do it now and do it safely.

There may be some resentment still deep in there and be open to the fact that at least you get to squeeze out the last drop of this person's influence in your life.

This is more opportunity to move on.

#4 Fierce up

Above all, fierce up. You are an Erzulliesta. This person may have hurt you and did something that altered your life. But you know that your pride, energy, confidence and love of self is stronger than whatever negativity this person is about to bring.

"Bring it, bitch."


Erzullie is an invite-only fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Get invited: