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Wednesday, January 27, 2016


… “Don’t I like myself?”

I am a 30 year old plus size designer and a professional marketer. I have a fabulous best friend of more than a decade. I have a healthy family life. I have the opportunity to go to one of the top 5 Universities in the country and even study some basic fashion. I am in a relationship with a gentleman for more than half a decade. I am associated with powerful women.

I get to blog, take photos and promote plus size beauty for a living. I am always with money (big or small, I love it all). I love that I can talk in 2 languages (Tagalog and English) and do varying accents (Aussie, American, British etc.) with it. I would also like to think that I am a spiritual woman and try my best to be as cultured as possible.

Of course, I can go on and become narcissistic. But given all this, I can say that I am doing well for my age and self. I am actually describing someone I would like to hang out with and talk to.

So, if I am actually content with myself (at least), why can’t I go to bed with it?

I sat on my bed and set aside the “fake hate and worry” that my brain comes up whenever it sees that I am about to face me. After setting it aside, I have realized my brain and heart is empty.

HOLY SMOKES! I don’t know what to do with myself!

I mean I know how to entertain and interact with people but clearly I have ZERO idea on how to interact with myself.

Like any millennial (I guess) I googled. I googled “how to be alone”. I read this article, 13 rules of being alone and happy, and these are the points that got to me:

#1 Understand that you’re good enough all by yourself.

#4 Close your eyes in a dark room and appreciate the silence.

So, apparently, I don’t have to do anything. Being alone with yourself, apparently is a “no assembly” required set up. For the other one, it solved my bed problem. I have decided to go to bed, closed my eyes and appreciated the silence.

I have never realized how peaceful and quiet my surroundings are and how beautiful the aura/energy of my house is. Little did I know, I fell asleep. I woke up after 3 hours. A good record of a nap.

For once, I woke up --- NOT TIRED, which is now a common affliction in my generation.

After that, I finally get it. Being alone is enjoying the fact that you’re with you. You are not going to hurt you. You are fine to be with.

So I can finally sleep but that’s different from being awake. Errr --- how can I be alone with myself, awake?

Erzullie is a fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Shop online: