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Monday, September 12, 2016



I can go on and be narcissistic about this. At the end of the day, I’m pretty sure someone out there would like to be in my place. And me? I need to start becoming wiser and enjoy the experience that someone would like to have. 

This then leads me to the question --- why am I not in love with it in the first place?


First off, as I told you, I had a life plan 8 years ago and well it didn’t work out well. So I was thinking that since I wasn’t able to manifest what I sought out to do, I failed as a person. I failed as woman. EVEN WORSE--- I have failed me!

But then again, just because “I didn’t do what I was told to do” or “get what I was supposed to get” doesn’t mean that it was the really wrong thing to do or I failed. I just got other achievements if you look at it.

I may not have a husband, but I have a great lover who actually is patient enough to go through my highs and lows.

I may not have kids, but I do have a lot of great people in my life and some of them have kids! I get to baby sit them for short periods of time and still be able to do what I love after.

I may not have a house, but I do have my own place. It’s in a big building, with great security, a gym and a swimming pool.

I may not have a part time job, but I do have a full time business AND a lot of part time jobs that I like to do.

So, technically, I didn’t fail. I just decided along the way that I wanted other things that are way better.

Next, I compare myself to the people my age. And THIS ONE is my favorite (sense my sarcastic tone). 

You know that moment wherein it’s 2 am and you are on social media and you see people your age doing parties, getting married, getting engaged, having boyfriends, loving babies, having dogs, traveling like a celebrity etc. and there you are in front of your laptop in the dark with a scrunch up hair, big shirt that hasn’t been washed for 2 days and in your undie, drinking some soda and eating some chips?

Yes. That moment.

It starts to make you question. Am I living my life to the fullest? The rest of the people around me seems like they are living a “on-the-go” life all the time. Something is always happening to them. They are always having something new. They always have something taken “to the next level”.

And me? I was browsing and viewing their experiences.

Anyway, as always, one of my Erzullie Icons, Kat Lopez, came to the rescue. She shared with me this article about Facebook making people depressed. (I can’t find it anymore but seriously, type facebook and depression and a lot of articles will pop out) I have realized at that point that what the people in my feed are sharing is just the best snippets of their life.

For all I know, it’s just for show. And truth of the matter is, people share what they really just want to share. So imagine what they are not sharing online.

From then on, I actually stopped using that as a point of comparison. Social media is handy tool to document your life, but then remember --- you will only want to document what you want to. Not everything is saved.

Finally, the reason that I don’t love it as much is because I feel as though I did not deserve it. 
Whuuuuuuuuutttttt, Aries? Seriously?

Yes, girl. Seriously.

My career in the fashion industry started roughly 8 years ago. I only had a passion for it. We really just wanted to do a business. Eventually, it just became a life purpose. So ultimately, me and Berna just dared to do something because we just really felt like this is what we should be doing with our lives.

Everything that I have learned, I have learned through experience, books, YouTube videos, other people etc. I did go to Fashion school for 1 module and did not even finish it up to the end. Helped me a lot nonetheless. Berna went to Slim’s and that helped a lot in improving the brand.

But personally for me, I just have a feeling that I still have something to earn my place in the fashion industry. Despite the fact that I do call myself a plus size fashion designer (you ladies have seen my sketches, our process etc.) I still feel as though I need to really earn that job title. Like I need to have that moment in my life wherein it’s really official --- I am a plus size fashion designer.

Stupid. I know.

Because at the end of the day, I can line up Erzullie’s achievements and evidences of her success, but if I say “it’s not worth anything” --- it’s really not going to be worth anything.

So what does that mean? Value is determined by me. And if right now, as of writing, I cannot define a single “requirement” of what it really takes for me to finally believe that I am a designer, then maybe I should accept the fact that I am talking crazy.

Truth of the matter is, I do deserve it. I spent hours of my life doing this. I spent brain cells and lung capacity to take photos, make decisions, calculations, marketing, public relations etc. This life that I am living? It wasn’t handed to me. I worked my way towards it.

So yes. Yes dumb nuts (I am talking to me) --- I do deserve it.

Since all those things have already been debunked, we now turn to another question --- WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LOVE THE LIFE YOU ARE IN?

Well, I am talking about that moment wherein you wake up every day in the morning and your first thought is, “I am so happy and blessed to wake up today. I get to do live one more day to do all the things that I love!” or at least this one, “I don’t care how bad it is today. I will get through it and I will do it all over again in a heartbeat because I love it.”

Those kinds of thoughts.

That’s what we are aiming for here.

You know you love your life when whether or not it’s going to be a good day, bad day, hard day, soft day, inactive day --- ANY KIND OF DAY --- to your heart you know, it’s going to be the best one for your spirit.



Erzullie is an invite-only fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Get invited: