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Saturday, September 9, 2017


“Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't” – Baz Lhurman, Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

TRUTH IN EVERY WORD. I remembered hearing this song from MTV during the 90’s. In the middle of the noise of boybands and Madonna, a man named Baz Lhurman decided to dispel some wisdom to my generation through that song.

I have downloaded it. I kept it. It spoke to my soul.

And more than a decade later, I still find myself referring to this song in this very moment that I write this in a cafe.

You see, Erzulliesta, I know that in the past few months, it seems like I had amazing epiphanies about myself and my life. I have learned about “how to be single while taken” and “how to love the life you’re in”. And although that wisdom still holds true to me still, life is all about changes.

Life is that one person that will pull the rug under you and you find yourself free falling towards the floor and your hands flailing on the side trying to grasp something to keep you from falling.

It’s fast and quick. And if you have been blessed by the Universe to have a slow motion version of that fall, you may find yourself in that moment between standing up and face planting on the floor.

Slowly. Moment to moment. You see it in your mind.

What were your thoughts and in the moment of panic, surely there was a point that you have just finally surrendered to your fate --- you are about to fall down, “b*tch”.

Needless to say that I am at that moment. I am in that moment wherein I was admiring the beautiful metaphorical living room that I have cleaned and made and LIFE, my ever mischievous friend, pulls the expensive metaphorical Persian rug underneath me. Laughing at me while I fall down, while I try to grasp something and ultimately face my fate.

And now, I am on the floor. I am lying down in an awkward position and I find myself looking at the ceiling wondering what to do next.

Do I get back up? What if LIFE decided to trip me back down again? Is it worth the effort to even try? Knowing that life will always be giving you “sudden changes”. Also “LIFE” took my rug. I worked hard for that rug and it made the whole room lovely. What do I do now?

And have you ever really wondered that? Why do we keep on waking up in the morning if we know that nothing is permanent and certain in this world?

We can keep on trying to build a life here, but there will always be a factor out there who is out to change our plans along the way. So why try?

And also, if we also have decided to “not try”, what else is there to do in life? How do we live then? What should we do? How do we “not try”?

Obviously, at this point, I am asking --- “HOW DO I LIVE THE LIFE I AM IN?” Hence, we circle back to that song lyric.

Baz Lhurman made me feel calm. I am happy to know that there are still a lot of other people out there who still don’t know what to do with their lives. And somehow, this incapacity “to know” makes me feel normal.

And it is with this brief moment of ‘normality” that I have realized this --- since I am never certain of what life will give me or I will never really know if all these efforts will mean anything in the end, I might as well make myself “happy”. And that is the most logical thing to do for me.


Think about it. Even if you do nothing, LIFE will keep on doing things TO YOU.

That’s right.

How many times have we heard of good people just walking down the street and then all of a sudden, they get smacked by a car losing control?

How many times have we heard of bad people doing bad things “because it makes them feel good” only to be killed/jailed in the end?

The first one wasn’t doing anything, yet something happened to him/her.

The second one was doing something, yet something happened to him/her still.

So what’s the point of lying down here in the metaphorical living room floor? Even if I keep myself lying down, chances are LIFE will grab that metaphorical vase on my right and make it fall on my face because it can. Hell, it can even make the metaphorical room COLLAPSE!

With that in mind, might as well stand up and walk around and make myself feel good. If, to me, LIFE’S job is to constantly throw me the next curveball, then might as well do things that makes me feel good, before LIFE makes me feel bad about it.

Something will always happen. We only have that brief “betweens” wherein we can do whatever we want until LIFE surprises us yet again.

Like it or not, I am made to feel and think things. I can’t stop! And because of that, I should just aim to always feel something good and positive, since something else will do the opposite of those for me.

For short, “HOW DO I LIVE THE LIFE I AM IN?” Cherishing those “in-between” moments where life ignores us and use them wisely. In this case, for me, I am here in my favorite cafe, drinking coffee and writing about this exact --- “sane” moment before LIFE decides, yet again --- to do something with me.


Erzullie is an invite-only fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Get invited: