Erzulliestas earn their money as effortless as they can come up with their fiercest style. No matter what amount it is, all that she cares about is that she made it and it was not handed to her. Gotta love an Erzulliesta who embraces #THEPOWEROFE.
Bad bosses - we all had them or are currently having them. For the lucky ones who are yet to experience them (of course, we hope not) we all wonder why we encounter such people. Are we bad people too? Did we do something wrong? How can we change this? And so on. And although the questions can become quite endless, I am here to say that in every bad thing about our lives there is always the good. And so here comes the good things about a bad boss.
#1 They will help you examine yourself as a worker.
We will only know the one thing if there is something to compare it with. In this case, if you know that you boss is a bit abusive, you have to ask --- have I been one to my co-worker? And if so, what are the things that you can do to make things better?
Look at your bad boss as the best background for you to think of yourself as worker. Learn the things that you have in common (of course, be honest with yourself) and try to evolve from that.
#2 They will help you examine your own leadership style.
Even if you are part of the team or even the main leader, knowing what ticks you off from another leader can help you know what kind of leadership type you have. The good thing is that since you know what ticks you off and what is counterproductive, then you definitely know what are the things to avoid for future reference.
#3 They will push you to assert yourself.
This is the hard part, I guess. When you are dealing with a bad boss and if you have finally determined in yourself that this is not the type of leader that you want to serve, then know that there will be a point wherein even you have to draw the line.
Bad bosses need someone to stand up to them from time to time. Of course, there is no need for a shouting match, but if you want to leave with your own dignity and values, then by all means find a worthy leader to serve.
Admit it. You have been there. You know that this thing/situation/experience is bad for you, but you keep on coming back for it. It feels good while you do it, but then you punish yourself with the aftermath. Even worse? After you punish yourself, the probable negative outcomes gang up on you too.
Which begs the question --- right here in this moment --- why do we tend to go back to the bad things?
I think the nearest thing that I could think about this would be buying those really expensive shoes that I like that I eventually NEVER WEAR. Mind you, this was the past and I am glad that I was able to fully let go of such behavior.
I walk around the store, see a beautiful shoe that is out of my price range and somehow has the wrong physics, but still, I buy it. What do I end up with? A pair of shoes I never use and money that will not return any form of investment to my psyche.
I have realized that I have this behavior because I like the image that is in my head. Buying these shoes made me feel like I am one step closer to becoming that person that I want to become. But then afterwards, I have realized that it does absolutely nothing but become clutter in my closet.
With that in mind, I have realized as well that the reason we go back to the bad things is because we feel like we get the "good" from there too. Unfortunately, that "good" is fleeting and cannot be defined as true happiness.
After all, true happiness is something that makes you feel great about the now and the future. It should be something that you can sleep with by the end of the night. And if you are doing something that just gives it to you half-way, then maybe it's not worth the FULL investment.
Don't you think?
So now that we know why we go back to the bad things... what can we do to change this behavior?
REPLACING IT WITH A HEALTHY ONE.
In my case, I have trained my mind into thinking that buying these unusuable shoes that is beyond my price range is a signal that I need to feel secure about who I am as a career woman.
From there, I start to secure myself. I list ways that show that I already am a powerful woman with a handle on her career.
At times, I would be back at my place, put on my fiercest outfit and gander at myself in the mirror. Giving myself that feeling and reminding myself of the truth that I am that already.
I start acknowledging also all the shoes that I have in my place that makes me feel powerful. Even better, I start recognizing the efforts that I have done for my career as well.
And now, I am glad to tell you that it has been a long time since I have bought a shoe that stemmed from that unhelpful behavior. What I have now are shoes that I do use and a well nourished self-image.