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Sunday, February 4, 2018


Admit it. You have been there. You know that this thing/situation/experience is bad for you, but you keep on coming back for it. It feels good while you do it, but then you punish yourself with the aftermath. Even worse? After you punish yourself, the probable negative outcomes gang up on you too.

Which begs the question --- right here in this moment --- why do we tend to go back to the bad things?

I think the nearest thing that I could think about this would be buying those really expensive shoes that I like that I eventually NEVER WEAR. Mind you, this was the past and I am glad that I was able to fully let go of such behavior.

I walk around the store, see a beautiful shoe that is out of my price range and somehow has the wrong physics, but still, I buy it. What do I end up with? A pair of shoes I never use and money that will not return any form of investment to my psyche.

I have realized that I have this behavior because I like the image that is in my head. Buying these shoes made me feel like I am one step closer to becoming that person that I want to become. But then afterwards, I have realized that it does absolutely nothing but become clutter in my closet.

With that in mind, I have realized as well that the reason we go back to the bad things is because we feel like we get the "good" from there too. Unfortunately, that "good" is fleeting and cannot be defined as true happiness.

After all, true happiness is something that makes you feel great about the now and the future. It should be something that you can sleep with by the end of the night. And if you are doing something that just gives it to you half-way, then maybe it's not worth the FULL investment.

Don't you think?

So now that we know why we go back to the bad things... what can we do to change this behavior?


In my case, I have trained my mind into thinking that buying these unusuable shoes that is beyond my price range is a signal that I need to feel secure about who I am as a career woman.

From there, I start to secure myself. I list ways that show that I already am a powerful woman with a handle on her career.

At times, I would be back at my place, put on my fiercest outfit and gander at myself in the mirror. Giving myself that feeling and reminding myself of the truth that I am that already.

I start acknowledging also all the shoes that I have in my place that makes me feel powerful. Even better, I start recognizing the efforts that I have done for my career as well.

And now, I am glad to tell you that it has been a long time since I have bought a shoe that stemmed from that unhelpful behavior. What I have now are shoes that I do use and a well nourished self-image.


Erzullie is an invite-only fierce plus size fashion designer brand from the Philippines dedicated to serving the style of the empowered Erzulliesta. Get invited: